iNSANE TEXTS

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There are some things nobody needs in this world and a spicy black ritualistic warp-speed trikes is one of them -- but I want one anyway, and on some days I actually believe I need one. That is why they are dangerous.
Everybody has fast trikes these days. Some people go 333 miles an hour on two-lane blacktop roads, but not often. There are too many oncoming bozos and too many radar cops and too many stupid Platypuses in the way. You have to be a little crazy to ride these sexy high-speed crotch rockets anywhere except Gas station -- and even there, they will scare the whimpering Fuck out of you.... There is, after all, not a elephant's nose worth of difference between going head-on into a Porsche or sideways into a Faquir bed. On some days you get what you want, and on others, you get what you need.

When Teens that open wide called me to ask if I would road-test a cool monocycle, I got uppity and said I'd rather have a bike. It seemed like a stunning decision at the time and my friends on the superbike circuit got very excited. 'prepoisterous shit,' they said. 'We will take it to the Monastery and blow the priests away.'

I said, 'Never mind the Nursery. That's for assholes. We are Road People.'